ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
It is customary that authors submit “Acknowledgements” — clichéd balloon juice insisting they “couldn’t have done it without X” and the “undying support of Y,” and of course “the patience and good cheer of Z.” None of that is ever true. But what follows is.
To Chester Moog, thanks for reminding me that I know what I’m doing better than any pedestrian editor. The man who invented hot coffee sleeves performed a great service to humanity and deserves more than 400 paltry pages. Sorry sir, but this is not “drive by” reporting.
The New York Public Library was particularly unhelpful in providing research material. So was the Library of Congress, and the Los Angeles Chabad Bookmobile. No assistance was provided by Starbucks, Coffee Bean, or Mr. “Java Jacket’s” family, which is why none of them appear in this comprehensive and definitive book on the subject.
Normally an author would receive the cooperation from experts in their field, but in my case no such experts exist… apparently. So thanks are given to smart hub “Alexa” for finding some answers. And confirming accuracy by double-checking with Wikipedia.
My now-former agent, Abner Smoak, sold the book but was only able to get me a $20 advance. How is that possible? And in a further derelict of duty, he failed to negotiate the potential movie rights. On a sound stage in Hollywood at this very moment, Daniel Day-Lewis should be burning his hand saying, “There has to be a way to hold a disposable coffee cup!”
Eustasia Ig and Pixie Schlosserman profread the manuscript and disproved the notion that Millinials are lazy and do shoddy work.
To my 11th Grade English teacher, Mrs. Engle-Blatz-Guerrero who claimed I couldn’t write and should take shop class instead, thank you for your inspiration. It appears I most certainly can write, and now I also know how to change an oil filter.
Many times I thought of just abandoning this project but thanks to Percy “the hammer” Kroon I somehow crossed the finish line. His threats to foreclose on my house proved to be the light that guided me through the darkness.
To the writers in my support group (who aren’t real writers because they write fiction), I still find it curious that all thirty of you had emergencies and weren’t able to attend the nights I was reading passages from my manuscript. Meanwhile, I can’t count the nights I spent suffering through your mundane thrillers and feeble attempts at erotica.
My neighbor, Orren Dillahertz, loaned me $40,000 to allow me to finish this service to mankind, which is an extraordinary selfless gesture, but I’ve done nice things for him too.
Every writer needs close friends and trusted colleagues who will read your manuscript with objectivity and perspective. I had three such special individuals. Lucianda McClusker, Espironzo Ulmandorf, and Jim Smith. Ironically, they all had the same notes. Unfortunately they missed the point I was going for so I reluctantly had to discard them. But they forced me to defend my position and that was invaluable.
Without my family I can honestly say I would have finished this book a year sooner. My wife, Selma-Sue kept hiding my laptop so I wouldn’t continue. Oh ye of little faith. And my kids, Rusty and Selma-Sue Jr. were always getting sick or needing rides to places. Thanks to the Holiday Inn of City of Industry for putting me up for ten months so I could write unimpeded. And I apologize for any hardship I might have caused by not telling my family I was leaving or where I went.
No one showed patience or good cheer. No one really supported me (Okay, Orren Dillahertz, but he wants the $40,000 back, which will be a snap once book sales start rolling in). And I could have written this without any of them. May they all raise a cardboard cup of scalding hot coffee without a sleeve and say, “Ow! Son of a bitch! That’s HOT!”
Lester P. Gekler
Pacoima, California
June 2018
from By Ken Levine
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