As I mentioned recently, I drove through Ohio and Michigan a few weeks ago and was shocked by the number of billboards for fireworks. Why the hell do people buy home fireworks?
How many fingers and eyebrows do they have to lose? On the other hand, it's hard to vote for do-nothing incumbent congressmen this November if you don't have fingers.
What parent in his right mind with children would set off something called a 12 in
ch “strike force missile”?Or a “Mad Dog”
“Bazooka Bear”
“Titanium Cracker”
“Dragon’s Wrath”
“Big Mama Jama"
“Brutal Force”
“Nuke Power”
“Pull String Grenade”
“Assorted Color Ammo Smoke”
“Caliber Blast”
“Car Bomb”
“Big Earthquake”
“Jumboshell Fountain”
“Pyrogyro”
“Cracker Jack in a Box”
“Deadly Fire”
“Battle of New Orleans”
“Pay Back”
“Mucho Grande – small” (isn’t that an oxymoron?)
“Air Raid”
Or of course the ever popular “So X*@! Good”?
Explain to me where these are “safe and SANE”.
Better to go to a city park, ballpark, or Steven Spielberg’s house. Enter a 5K race, cheer on a parade and pray that the grand marshal is someone more impressive than Flo from Progressive Insurance.
Have a wonderful day. Don't blow your fingers off.
from By Ken Levine
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