North American Freeze-out

My heart goes out to everyone in the Midwest and East suffering through the latest arctic blast. (But of course, there’s no Global Warming. May everyone who doubts it get frostbite today.)

I got out of the East just in time although I was in New York for the huge cold snap last week. Understand that I’m from Southern California where there are frost warnings when the temperature dips below 50.

Last Monday the temp in Manhattan was 0 degrees with a -19 degree wind chill factor. By the way, what’s the real difference? If it feels like -19 degrees it IS -19 degrees!

I watched the local weather forecasts on Channel 2 and 7 and it was like those scenes in every James Bond movie where the super villain tells Bond his doomsday scheme in delicious intricate detail. “You see this big pink blob on the map, Mr. Bond? By 4 PM it will be over Manhattan and all life as we know it will cease. But by the weekend we should warm up.” And I kid you not, one of the WABC-TV weather reporters is named Amy Freeze.

I’m normally traumatized when I can see my own breath so last Monday was an adventure. I needed to go outside a couple of times (once to lunch and once to Brooklyn for a rehearsal) so I made sure I dressed warmly. And by that I mean Under Armour, layers of shirts, a ski sweater, heavy parka, scarf, gloves, and hat. God forbid I needed to go to the bathroom. I looked like a blue Michelin Man. But I figured I was suitably protected against the elements. And maybe someone with actual blood would have been.

I walked outside and that wind went right through me. GAAAAA! For lunch I ducked into the first restaurant I saw. Thank God it wasn’t White Castle.

My other fear was ice, which there was plenty of because it had rained the day before. That’s the other thing: the temp dropped from 50 to 0 in just a few hours. (I really hope climate change non-believers all meet for a picnic today in Grant Park.) I was told how to walk – like a penguin taking tiny steps and keeping my weight above my feet at all times. Tis' the season of broken hips so I was super careful walking.

Again, please be safe and cautious and stay warm. And for God sakes, don’t worry about getting in your 10,000 steps today.

from By Ken Levine