This explodes like Gwyneth Paltrow's V-jay

WARNING:  Today's post is a tad raunchy and insensitive.  But I couldn't resist.  Sometimes a news story will come along that a comedy writer can not resist addressing.

Okay, this sounds like a joke but it’s a real thing.  Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP company sells a candle called “This Smells Like My Vagina.”  

And they say actors have huge egos and are too self-absorbed.  

I mean, the hubris of that — to put out such a product and think that enough people will want to buy it to make it profitable.  

"Thank you so much for starring in my play.  Here’s a little token of my appreciation.”

Oh, and by the way, they’re $75.  

Anyway, Gwy’s v-jay is in the news because a woman in North London bought one, lit it, and it exploded into a big fireball.  They were able to contain it, but Ms. Paltrow’s vagina almost burned down her house.   What a fun lawsuit that would’ve been.  

Here’s the story.  See?  I’m not making this up.

Despite the ridiculous price, I’m thinking of buying one just so I could call customer service and complain. 

I would say, “Excuse me, but this doesn’t smell like Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina.  Certainly not the way I remembered it.  Maybe I just got a bad one.  Could you send me a replacement?  No?  Then I want my money back.  I’m sure Ms. Paltrow would not like to see a bad review in Yelp… or Rotten Tomatoes.”   I’m considering it.  Of course, you’re welcome to do it yourself.  

As absurd as a product called “This Smells Like My Vagina” is, at least it’s Gwyneth Paltrow putting it out and not Ivanka.   

from By Ken Levine