So when I heard there was this new limited series coming to HBO Max about a resort hotel in Hawaii set at the Four Seasons in Maui (one of my favorite haunts) I was excited. I didn’t need Aaron Sorkin dialogue, Vince Gilligan storytelling, just a few glimpses of the pool area. Like I said, I’m easy.
So with great anticipation I set aside last Saturday night to watch a few episodes of this new series, entitled WHITE LOTUS. I turned it off after a half hour. I turned it off during a scene at the pool.
That’s how much I hated it.
And in fact, I hate it even more. I can’t remember the last time I hated a TV show as much. Every character is just despicable. This is the most cynical mean-spirited show on whatever constitutes for “television” these days. The hotel management has utter contempt for every guest. Every guest is so entitled and so obnoxious that Mother Teresa would give them the finger. In particular, two teenage girls are so snotty, judgemental, and insufferable you just want to punch them in the face. Imagine Romy & Michele as see-you-next-Tuesdays.
Only one character is likable and we learn in the first five minutes that she dies over the course of a week.
Astoundingly, this show is billed as a “comedy.” It’s a satire-comedy. Such hilarity as a local Hawaiian woman so afraid of losing her job that she’s afraid to say she’s about to have a baby any minute. Big yucks as her water breaks in the lobby and she’s still too petrified to say she’s about to give birth. Meanwhile, things are not great with newlyweds when the husband (a hideous Matt Gaetz-type) is dissatisfied with this amazing suite they have because it’s not “the honeymoon suite.” By the way, his parents are paying for the trip. He further endears himself by demanding his bride give him a blowjob. Are you laughing yet?
The two teen c***s are staying with Connie Britton who plays a Sheryl Sandberg stereotype. One c**t is the daughter and the other is her friend. They also have a little brother who they make sleep in the kitchen. And the dad is worried he has testicular cancer and we’re treated to close ups of his swollen genitals.
The show was created, written, and directed by Mike White.
Is this where comedy is today? We’re supposed to be amused by how hateful everyone is? The hotel manager is the destitute man’s John Cleese, passive-aggressively screwing the guests who we can only assume overpaid for this screwing.
And then there’s Jennifer Coolidge, who I normally like, playing a pathetic needy woman who keeps her mother’s remains in a plastic bag. Somehow I’m missing the satire.
What happens to these people? How does the young newlywed bride die? I don’t give a shit. Unless sharks eat the teenage c***s, there’s a tsunami, and the Hawaiian government seizes the property, I have no intention of watching another minute of it. WHITE LOTUS is not the right title. It should be called Mike WHITE LOATHE-US.
Aloha forever.
from By Ken Levine
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